I took this picture a few weeks ago on a day where I was feeling so tapped out. I stepped outside for some fresh air because I felt the walls closing in and was extremely overstimulated. You can't see well but there was also a baby nursing when I took this. You CAN, however, see the eye bags and spit up gracing my shirt. Pretty sure this day was what I call a "twin ping pong" day (where they were on opposite sleep schedules). You put one down just in time for the other to wake. In between caring for the older 3, schooling, managing chores, etc, there was not a minute where I wasn't "on" or needed. Those are hard days, y'all.
Real talk: motherhood is the single most refining thing I've ever done. It is a daily, hourly, minute by minute dying to self. Placing others needs before your own. There are no sick days, no personal space (at least not in my season), constant training, and a whole lot of noise. There is always a shadow (or 3) behind me with a question or request.
I know it's worth it. I know how fast it will go. I know it is good, meaningful work. But, man, it is HARD. Some days you barely have to discipline at all and feel like you're raising them right. Some days you feel like all you do is correct and that maybe your children aren't retaining anything you're teaching them. Some days you field the character training and undesirable behavior with patience, grace, and biblical wisdom. Other days you flip your lid and, with your throat still burning from your own sinful reaction, you have to confess your sin and apologize to them.
The truth is this: motherhood exposes the depths of my selfish, sinful, fleshly desires on a daily basis. It constantly reminds me of my need for a Savior, and my intense desire for my children to see their need as well. To raise them to know and love Him.. We're running the race, sisters in Christ, and we aren't doing it alone. ♡
"Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith"
"He gently leads those that have young."